Dear Mama,
I don't know what to do about an author friend of mine. She insists on wearing a feather boa to book signings, conferences, and the like. I don't have the heart to tell her the boa's gotten kind of ripe (if you know what I mean) and it's really ratty looking. It's molting, and she leaves a trail of feathers everywhere she goes. Plus, who wears a boa with a pantsuit? Well, I know you do, Mama, but that's because you were in that movie recently and you became a Hollywood diva. I read all about it in Mama Sees Stars. Divas are expected to swan about in dark sunglasses and feather boas.
Authors? Not so much.
So my question is this: How do you tell a friend when they're making a big fashion faux pas? I don't want her to feel bad, but I'm also tired of vacuuming up feathers from the floor mats whenever she rides in my car. Did I mention I'm allergic to birds?
Signed,
A Concerned Friend
Dear Concerned,
It's funny you should ask, because I know someone just like your friend. That snippy author Deborah Sharp runs around in a boa, pretending to be me. It makes me madder than a wasp with a ruined nest, I can tell you that. Last time I checked, she wasn't the one who was cast in a Hollywood movie. I put a picture on this page, above, so you can see her blatantly trying to steal my spotlight, not to mention my red carpet. (PS: Who wears a boa with sneakers?)
But enough about me. I say you sit your friend down and tell her the truth. That's always the best way to handle advice, don't you think? Well, unless one of your daughters asks if a certain dress she's wearing makes her look fat. It turns out you really should tell a white lie, or she'll go on a diet and not bring you candy on Mother's Day. Trust me.
You could always convince your friend to wear a sherbet-colored scarf instead of a boa. A scarf is just as pretty, and they don't shed. Unless you buy it at the dollar store.
Yours Truly,
Mama
