Welcome to Ask Mama, for all the answers . . .

Rosalee Provenza, Mama in my mystery series, thinks she's the whole reason for Mama Does Time (Midnight Ink, 2008), and Mama Rides Shotgun (2009). She was sure her star couldn't shoot any higher after Mama Gets Hitched came out in 2010. But, sure enough, her head swelled to Hollywood diva size after 2011's Mama Sees Stars debuted with a red carpet party, complete with paparazzi. Now she's mixing it up with Mama Gets Trashed (September 2013). Don't tell Mama you read this note from me. In her mind, she sprung to life all on her own.
Author Deborah Sharp
PS: Mama has a way of taking over; but you'll find my own website nearly Rosalee-free.

Saturday, August 1, 2009

Would you believe: Iguana Urine a Form of Welcome?

Dear Mama,
An iguana just let loose on my mother-in-law. Maybe you heard the scream all the way up in Himmarshee? She was relaxing in the shade of a palm tree on the dock behind our house, when all of a sudden: SPLASH. This was a BIG iguana, so it was a veritable tsunami of reptile pee rolling down from the palm fronds.

I tried to tell her this is life in south Florida ... a sweet manatee and calf meander by in the river one moment, a river of iguana ick rains down the next.

She's convinced, however, I somehow arranged for the iguana to be positioned high in the branches of the palm tree, right over the lawn chair she'd decide to use. Have you seen the claws on those suckers? I wouldn't try to position one ANYWHERE.

So, Mama, what should I do now? How does a daughter-in-law make right what nature has wrought?

Iguana Fan

Dear Iggy,

Well, honey ... are you sure you want to make it right? I've had 4 mother-in-laws, including one that moved in for a year. What I wouldn't have given for an incontinent iguana or two.

But if you really do want to get back on her good side (she does have a good side, right?), then you have to cook her a nice meal to make-up. That, and some fragrant soap and shampoo to get rid of the stench of iguana pee.

I went on the Wide World of the Web (it's amazing, really, what-all you can find on that Infonet). How 'bout some Iguana Stew? They say it tastes like chicken. This St. Petersburg, Fla., newsman, Jeff Klinkenberg, writes all about it here.

Good luck, honey. And watch out for those claws. I mean your mother-in-law's, not the poor lizard's.


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