Dear Mama,
I hear you've been married four times, so I bet you know something about mother-in-laws. Maybe you can help me, before I'm hauled off to the hoosegow over this latest to-do with my husband's mama.
Here's the deal: When she comes to visit, she likes to rearrange all the cabinets and drawers so they're more to her liking. This didn't bother me so much in the kitchen ... because, frankly, I'm not exactly Suzy Homemaker, and that rat's nest in the kitchen sure needed some attention.
But I had to put my foot down when I came home and found her pulling out and straightening up all the items in our bedroom nightstand. Now, I don't know about you, Mama, but the drawers right beside our bed can hide a few marital secrets, if you know what I mean. I've got two questions for you: How do I discourage his mama from poking her nose where it doesn't belong, and am I within my rights to conk her on the noggin if she won't keep her paws out of our bedroom business?
Sincerely,
Fed up and Flustered
Dear Flustered,
I am with you 100 percent. For me, Husband Number Three's mama was the worst. She always complained about the way I cooked, except when her mouth was full of my dinner. And she never once said thank-you when I gave her a complete make-over at Hair Today, Dyed Tomorrow. Of course, there was that incident with the hair dryer and third-degree burns, but the short in the electrical wiring wasn't my fault.
As for your mother-in-law, I suggest you put something truly shocking in that nightstand. You can go on the Wide World of the Web, and those folks will mail you something sexy in a plain brown paper wrapper. Now, I don't know about this first-hand, but so I've been told.
Anyway, let her find it and stew over whether to bring it up. If she's got the nerve, I say conk away . . . maybe you can use that whatchamacalit you ordered from the Wide Web World as a weapon.
Love,
Mama
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