Lying Down with Dogs

Dear Mama,

I'm about to pull my hair out by the roots.
My boyfriend's loser brother has been camped out on our living room couch for more than a month now. All he does is drink beer and watch wrestling and NASCAR on TV. I mean I like sports as much as the next gal, but the constant smackdowns and Vrrrrm-Vrrrrm and belching from the TV room is getting on my last nerve.
I want to tell my beau it's either his stupid brother or me, but I remember what happened when I made that threat about the dog. I had to crawl back home with my tail between my legs, and Cujo is still sleeping in our bed.
What should I do?

Sincerely, Third-class Citizen

Dear Third Class,

I say when you lie down with dogs, you better expect to get fleas!
How 'bout you get a place of your own? You can leave that loser brother and flea-bitten hound behind.
And if your beau wants to come visit, then it's on your terms, not his.
But, honestly, if he already chose his dog over you, it might be time to start looking for somebody new. Just make sure you ask first whether he has any pets. Maybe a hamster would be okay, since they don't take up too much room in bed.

Love, Mama