Today Comes A'Callin!'

Well, y'all ... Big news! That snippy author is going on the NBC Today show to talk about me and my Wedding of the Century.

Aug. 24, sometime between the hours of 7-10 AM. No word yet on which morning personality will do the interview.

Lord have mercy, I hope she finds something nice to wear. And, please, would someone tell her to make sure those makeup folks put a little something on that shiny skin of hers? Last time, her forehead gleamed like the high beams on a Monster Truck once those TV lights hit it.

Love,
Mama

That Lazy Author FINALLY Sent My Newsletter

Well, y'all, we had to wait all year, but Ms. Deborah Sharp FINALLY got off her duff and made me a newsletter. I wouldn't have done it exactly the same way, understand, but she's still learning about the Wide World of the Web and all.

Take a gander, and let me know what you think:

Summer 2010: Mama Gets Hitched!

Love,
Mama

Honey, You're too Pushy!

Well, the shoe's on the other foot again, y'all. I need your advice, and fast.

I know this author, let's say her name is Deborah S., and she is just the pushiest thing ever. A little while back, she took over this advice column of mine, here on the Wide World of the Web. Normally, I address the pressing concerns of folks needing help with all sorts of problems. But there she was, yammering on and on about some award or the other. She put up a bunch of pictures (The Monkees??), and made up all sorts of lies. Honestly, I stopped reading after the first three or four paragraphs. That poor gal is just plain boring without the wonderful source material provided to her by a certain matriarch from Himmarshee, Fla.

Anyhoo, she's at it again. Now she wants this space to announce that she's running a contest on April 20 over at the blog of an author friend by the name of Deb Baker . (That raises another question. Do all these author gals have the same name?) Deborah S. wanted me to let you know that all you have to do is comment on her post over at Powered by Books, and you'll be entered in a drawing to win a copy of MAMA RIDES SHOTGUN. She's pushed her way back AGAIN into announcing the winner here, on MY spot, on April 23.

Well, I'll go along, since I happen to know that book is a rip-roaring mystery starring yours truly. But somebody tell me, please, how do I get this pushy author out of my life? Y'all, she's just about to pluck my last nerve! I'd appreciate any advice you can offer, short of committing murder myself . . . Help!

Signed,
Mama

Which Are the Lies?

Hey, y'all ...

As promised, I'm making Miss Fancy Pants Author Deborah Sharp fess up today as to what's the truth and what's pure fiction from the claims she made (below) for that Bald Faced Liar Award. I will tell you one thing: Picturing her on that nude beach in her birthday suit on her 50th is enough to ruin my dinner.

Sincerely, Mama

1. I worked as a street mime in Paris the summer after high school. (False ... but it would have been a good fit, since I can't SPEAK French. )



2. I went, sans swimsuit, to a nude beach on my 50th birthday. (True, and I froze. Even though the beach is in Miami, my birthday is in January.)

3. I was a DJ at my college radio station and my stage name was Sexy Sadie. (False)

4. I was a finalist to be a contestant on the first season of ''Survivor.'' (So False)

5. I was an Egyptian queen during one past life; a witch at the Salem trials in another. (False, but would be cool, no? )

6. I won a Hot Bod bikini contest during college Spring Break in Fort Lauderdale. (True. It involved the ingestion of several Rum Runners and a crocheted string bikini. 'Nuff said. )



7. I was selected to be the first journalist in space before NASA's funding dried up. (False)

8. I was arrested for violating a restraining order in a dust-up with the Monkees' Davy Jones. (False, but I did doodle Davy's name on my book covers, convinced we'd marry someday ... Daydream Believer, indeed. )



Congrats to Dru Ann Love, Sue Ann Jaffarian, and Glen Allison, who each guessed correctly on one out of my two truths. Thanks, too, to Alan, Julia, Deb and Victoria for playing along.