Too Much or Just Enough?

I never thought I'd see the day. That know-it-all author, Deborah Sharp, has come to me for fashion advice. Can you believe it?

She wants to know whether she should bring along the lovely ''Mama veil'' when she goes to Malice Domestic, a big convention for fans of mystery books. It's in Maryland, right outside Washington, DC, and she'll be there from April 30 to May 1.

I told her, Absolutely! Pack up that bridal vision and turn some heads! My mama taught me to ALWAYS make an entrance, and believe me, with that veil Miss Sharp will certainly make an entrance in the halls of Malice.

I hear she's been wearing it at some of the signings she's been doing for MAMA GETS HITCHED. I say ''hear'' because she's never seen fit to invite me to a single signing, even though every one of her blasted books is based on something that happened to ME. She says the veil is modeled after the one I wore when I married Big Sal Provenza last summer ... but then she tells folks at her signings that it looks like a prehistoric wedding bird flew over and plopped a five-pound turd of tulle and fake flowers right on top of her head. Now, I ask you, is that any way for Miss Author to talk about the fashion sense of her literary muse?

Anyhoo ... she's all worried that people will think she's just looking for attention at Malice Domestic. She's afraid they'll stare. I told her, "Honey, there's nothing wrong with a little attention and admiration. Lord knows I'm used to it!''

I promised to put the question to my faithful readers. So, here it is ... The Mama Veil: Too much or Just enough?

Mama's Plumb Web Crazy

Well, y'all, this Internet thing is about to pluck my last nerve.

Mace and I have been knocking ourselves out to see if we can't get my little advice column and myriad musings on the Wide World of the Web to ''feed'' over to a ''page'' that snippy author Deborah Sharp set up over at a place called ''Amazon.'' I'm putting those special quote marks around the things I don't really understand in that last sentence. The only feed we're familiar with here in Himmarshee is for chickens, hogs and cattle. You can walk right up to the counter at Home on the Range Feed Store and Clothing Emporium and ask for it by name.

Easy, breezy, right? Let me tell you, visiting the nice folks at Home on the Range is nothing like trying to get something done on the Internet.

Nonetheless, we're going to keep on trying. Well, if I'm honest, I'd have to say my daughter Mace is going to keep on trying. I myself am enjoying a glass of sweet pink wine. Ahh, that's good! Another couple of these, and I won't care where in the world my ''post'' ''feeds'' to.

But Mace is working awful hard to get it to work. Please do let me know if my latest musing ever shows up at the Amazon shop, would you?