Mama's Big Ol' Blog Tour

Hi, there ... Snippy Author here. Mama's invited me here to her blog because somebody's got to help me remember where I'm supposed to be guest-blogging (it's clear I haven't remembered to blog here, at Ask Mama, for a good little while!)

Today is the official release date of MAMA SEES STARS, the fourth book in my funny, Southern-fried Mace Bauer Mystery series. All the kids are doing blog tours, so I thought I'd try one, too. But I'm old, and kind of lazy ... so not only am I not making that many stops, I've also screwed up the scheduling through failure to plan and memory lapses.

Hence, I have lots of days with no stops, and a few days with too many stops. Sigh.

Anyway, I'm putting a list here of where I'm supposed to be, and what I'm supposed to write about (either as the fictional Mama character or the relatively real me). I think I can remember my way back to Ask Mama to check from time to time to see if A, I'm who I thought I was, and B, I'm at the tour stop where I'm supposed to be.

Do check out some of the wonderful bloggers so graciously hosting me:

MAMA SEES STARS Big Ol' Blog Tour, Sept-Oct 2011

Sept. 8, Launch Date:
Mama on Aromatherapy: Killer Crafts and Crafty Killers

Interview with Gail Shepherd on her blog about writing, PARADOXY

Profile by Jackie Minniti, Fabulous Florida Writers


Sept 9:

A Day in the Life of Mama, at the blog of super reader Dru Ann Love.

Bling My Boa, at the Midnight Ink Writers' Blog, Inkspot

Sept. 12:

Five Great Public Speaking Tips for Writers, at Elizabeth Craig's terrific blog, Mystery Writing is Murder

Sept. 15:

Guest at Barnes and Noble's online Mystery Book Club. Moderator: Becke Davis

Sept. 23:

''Watch for Falling Logophiles,'' at Cozy Chicks.

Oct. 13:

Guest Blogger at Meanderings and Muses, with the fabulous Kay Barley.

Oct. 23:

Sweeeeet!, Deborah on Movie Candy at Mystery Lovers Kitchen

Oct. 31:

Mama's Horrifying Halloween at Killer Characters

Dress for the Weather

I thought I'd sit down and jot a few words, since the rain has all but spoiled going outside today. It's so gloomy and overcast in Himmarshee, Fla. The only living creatures who aren't sick to death of this weather are the dabbling ducks and the gators.

When the day is this gray, I like to cheer things up by dressing in lots of color. If you've read anything about me in one of those mystery books Ms. Author writes, you already know I like anything in shades of sherbet. I've got my sherbet-colored pantsuits, of course, but I've also got slickers and boots and rain hats in every hue in the ice-cream rainbow. I've been on the look-out for a cute raincoat for my sweet Pomeranian, Teensy. Maybe something like what the cat's wearing in that picture, above? I just know Teensy could rock that little cloak, but it'd have to be in lime-sherbet green or raspberry, to match my foul-weather gear. You let me know if you see anything, hear? Teensy wears an XXXXSmall. My new husband, ''Big Sal'' Provenza, on the other hand, wears an XXXXLarge. Not that I'd ever get that man into a sherbet-colored rain cloak.

Well, thanks for letting me bend your ear for a moment or two on this dreary day. If it was already September, I could sit down with a copy of MAMA SEES STARS. I like to take out my red pen and mark up all the parts of my story Ms. Smarty Pants got wrong. But the book won't be out until then, so I have to find something else to do in the meantime.

Tell me, what do you do to cheer yourself up on nasty days?

Love, Mama

My Stars & Garters!!

I'm absolutely in a dither, y'all! I need some advice, right quick.

What should I wear for my turn on the red carpet when MAMA SEES STARS comes out in September? (You can get a sneak peek at the book right here. Somebody pasted it out there on the internet, right onto the Wide World of the Web. )

It's still hot as Hades in Himmarshee in September. So, whatever I wear can't show sweat .... er, ''dew.'' I know you've heard the saying: Horses sweat; men perspire; ladies dew.

Well, honey, the ''dew'' is running like a river in middle Florida in September. You're lucky if you make it from your air-conditioned house to your air-conditioned car without sopping wet stains as big as dinner plates under your armpits and your pantyhose all soggy and stuck in spots you didn't even know you had. I don't mean to get personal, but I'm just sayin.'

So, help me out, won't you? What's cool, comfortable, appropriate red-carpet garb for a Southern gal of a certain age? I won't mention the specific number, because you'd never believe it. Everybody tells me I look 10 years younger than I am. I know I look 10 times better than that fancy author, Deborah Sharp. She's sure to be there on the red carpet, too, taking all the credit as usual. But this one is purely my story. It's all about how I got a part when the film crew came to shoot in Himmarshee. It was so exciting!

Of course, there was that murder and all. Still, I've heard my scene in the movie they made has all the hallmarks of a Hollywood legend. That's why the pressure is on to pick the perfect outfit, y'all. Mama Sees Stars might just be my ticket to super-stardom.

Snippy Author Stealing My Stories ... Again

Howdy, y'all ... she's done it again. Months and months and months go by without a single word from that snippy author, Deborah Sharp. And then my middle daughter Mace goes onto the Face Book and finds that she has another book coming out soon. Well, la-di-da.

Anybody want to take a guess about whose story she's stolen again? That's right. Mine. Doesn't that gal have any ideas from her OWN life?

As you can see from picture to the left, the new book is called MAMA SEES STARS; it'll be out in October. If it was up to me, we'd call it MAMA BECOMES A STAR, since that's how the whole thing went down when a Hollywood movie company came to film in little Himmarshee. But, as usual, no one asked me. I'll have to admit, Ms. Sharp's publisher has done a bang-up job with the new cover. Though there might be a few too many bullet holes in that movie theater marquee. There weren't that many people who got shot.

Anyhoo, just wanted to say a few words here to update everybody on the latest way that Ms. Smarty Pants has inserted herself into my life. I haven't been getting onto the computer like I used to, because I've been so busy these last few months, being a newlywed and all. Believe me, y'all, it doesn't get any easier just because I've skipped down the bridal path a time or two before (OK, a time or four before). I'm going to try to make more time for the Wide World of the Web, though, because I want everybody to know who's really living these tales while she's out there taking all the credit.

I hear she's at Sleuthfest, some big mystery conference, this weekend. I also hear she's wearing some bright colors for her panels ... a turquoise jacket, and one in pink. Now, I wonder where Ms. Dressed in Black got THAT idea? That's right: From me! You may remember I'm a aromatherapist and consultant at Hair Today, Dyed Tomorrow, where I compile seasonal color charts and tell all the gals how they can improve their looks and their moods by dressing in cheerful colors. Maybe Ms. Author is finally catching on. I'll keep you posted.

Somebody Needs a Good Slappin'

Well, hello friends! I'm not that great on the computer, and I don't talk directly too much to all my readers. But listen, y'all, somebody is going to have to speak to that author gal, Deborah Sharp.

She's supposed to be working on my fourth story -- MAMA SEES STARS. It's all about how a Hollywood movie company comes to Himmarshee, and I get myself a speaking part. There was a spot of trouble over a murder, and a couple of near misses, too ... but I absolutely nailed (that's how the Hollywood actors say it: Nailed) my role as Ruby, a beautiful dancehall gal. You can ask anybody. And wait until you see me in Ruby's red dress. I don't look a day over 50. (Mace: erase that 50 to say 40, would you honey?)

Anyhoo, this is the problem: Miss Fancy Pants Author is not working on my latest story. Oh, no. Says she's too busy promoting the first two books. Oh, she had to take off time from writing about me to go all the way to New York City and be on TV. Maybe you saw her on the Today Show? That Natalie Morales is cute as a button, but Miss Too-Big-for-her-Britches barely mentioned ME. She's been flying off to Chicago, then to something called Killer Nashville (I'd like to kill something, and it ain't Nashville!), and then she's going to Vero Beach, and then north to Indianapolis.

And, 'promoting??' Hons, my stories sell themselves. That's how good they are. She makes it sound like she's having to coerce the Baptists to serve beer in their fellowship hall.

I want y'all to show up at one of them signings or talks or panels or whatever it is she has scheduled and give Miss Big-time a talking-to. I wouldn't even mind if you speak forcefully, if you get my drift. I've always thought she could stand to have a little sense slapped upside her head.

You tell her she better get back to work on STARS. There are thousands upon thousands of people (well, a hundred or two, at least) on the edge of their seats to see what's gonna happen next in Mama's life. You tell her authors are a dime a dozen, but there's only one Mama. And since that's me, Mama, I just might find me another scribbler to finish up properly what Litte Missy started on MAMA SEES STARS.

(Mace, you'll be sure to fix that typo about looking 50 before you mail this to the Wide World of the Web, won't you?)