Mama Takes Manhattan

Howdy, y'all! This blogger spot had me locked out for a while, but I'm back now. Something about passwords and authentication. My middle daughter Mace finally took care of it. I told her to tell those folks down at the Hotmail factory I'm a Florida native, and as authentic as they come. ''Tell them I resent the implication,'' I told Mace. She said the tech support people could not give one -- or zero -- about what I do or do not resent.

Anyhoo, you may have heard the big news: That snippy author Deborah Sharp made a visit this week to the Today Show in New York City. As much as it pains me to say it, she didn't take my fashion advice ... and it turned out all right. I was lobbying pretty hard for her to wear something in the sherbet-colored spectrum. Lord knows that palette's worked for me. But she listened instead to some salesgirl at the Dillard's in Fort Lauderdale. It's no surprise our Ms. Fancy Pants Author would choose a swanky department store over Himmarshee's very own Home on the Range Feed Store and Clothing Emporium, is it?

Anyway, here's a picture Mace snapped off the TV of her in that pretty royal blue sweater:

I'm big enough to admit it works. Now that her hair's going gray, that wintry blue is a fine color choice. But don't get me started on how I feel about her opting for the natural look, hair-wise. Betty Taylor, the owner of Hair Today, Dyed Tomorrow Beauty Parlor, could take 10 years off her look if she'd just sit down for a little highlight and tint.

Did you happen to see her interview? When that nice Savannah Guthrie asked her how many times I'd been married, she made a big show of counting out all five times on her fingers. I've never thought someone else's unfortunate marital history should be the source of a cheap joke, have you?

You can watch a clip of Ms. Fancy Pants on TV by clicking here. Maybe if she ever gets invited back up to New York City, she'll ask me along for the interview. After all, I'm only the one who's lived the stories she writes down in those books of hers. Not that I'm bitter, understand. Bitterness is just as unbecoming as failing to give credit where it's due. That's a little bit of advice, courtesy of Mama. Hopefully, it won't fall on deaf ears.

Mama's Big Ol' Blog Tour

Hi, there ... Snippy Author here. Mama's invited me here to her blog because somebody's got to help me remember where I'm supposed to be guest-blogging (it's clear I haven't remembered to blog here, at Ask Mama, for a good little while!)

Today is the official release date of MAMA SEES STARS, the fourth book in my funny, Southern-fried Mace Bauer Mystery series. All the kids are doing blog tours, so I thought I'd try one, too. But I'm old, and kind of lazy ... so not only am I not making that many stops, I've also screwed up the scheduling through failure to plan and memory lapses.

Hence, I have lots of days with no stops, and a few days with too many stops. Sigh.

Anyway, I'm putting a list here of where I'm supposed to be, and what I'm supposed to write about (either as the fictional Mama character or the relatively real me). I think I can remember my way back to Ask Mama to check from time to time to see if A, I'm who I thought I was, and B, I'm at the tour stop where I'm supposed to be.

Do check out some of the wonderful bloggers so graciously hosting me:

MAMA SEES STARS Big Ol' Blog Tour, Sept-Oct 2011

Sept. 8, Launch Date:
Mama on Aromatherapy: Killer Crafts and Crafty Killers

Interview with Gail Shepherd on her blog about writing, PARADOXY

Profile by Jackie Minniti, Fabulous Florida Writers


Sept 9:

A Day in the Life of Mama, at the blog of super reader Dru Ann Love.

Bling My Boa, at the Midnight Ink Writers' Blog, Inkspot

Sept. 12:

Five Great Public Speaking Tips for Writers, at Elizabeth Craig's terrific blog, Mystery Writing is Murder

Sept. 15:

Guest at Barnes and Noble's online Mystery Book Club. Moderator: Becke Davis

Sept. 23:

''Watch for Falling Logophiles,'' at Cozy Chicks.

Oct. 13:

Guest Blogger at Meanderings and Muses, with the fabulous Kay Barley.

Oct. 23:

Sweeeeet!, Deborah on Movie Candy at Mystery Lovers Kitchen

Oct. 31:

Mama's Horrifying Halloween at Killer Characters

Too Much or Just Enough?

I never thought I'd see the day. That know-it-all author, Deborah Sharp, has come to me for fashion advice. Can you believe it?

She wants to know whether she should bring along the lovely ''Mama veil'' when she goes to Malice Domestic, a big convention for fans of mystery books. It's in Maryland, right outside Washington, DC, and she'll be there from April 30 to May 1.

I told her, Absolutely! Pack up that bridal vision and turn some heads! My mama taught me to ALWAYS make an entrance, and believe me, with that veil Miss Sharp will certainly make an entrance in the halls of Malice.

I hear she's been wearing it at some of the signings she's been doing for MAMA GETS HITCHED. I say ''hear'' because she's never seen fit to invite me to a single signing, even though every one of her blasted books is based on something that happened to ME. She says the veil is modeled after the one I wore when I married Big Sal Provenza last summer ... but then she tells folks at her signings that it looks like a prehistoric wedding bird flew over and plopped a five-pound turd of tulle and fake flowers right on top of her head. Now, I ask you, is that any way for Miss Author to talk about the fashion sense of her literary muse?

Anyhoo ... she's all worried that people will think she's just looking for attention at Malice Domestic. She's afraid they'll stare. I told her, "Honey, there's nothing wrong with a little attention and admiration. Lord knows I'm used to it!''

I promised to put the question to my faithful readers. So, here it is ... The Mama Veil: Too much or Just enough?

Snippy Author Sees Stars

Well, I have to say .... Ms. Deborah Sharp did not embarrass herself when she went on the Today show on Aug. 24 to talk about my latest story, MAMA GETS HITCHED.

Of course, BLACK is not a fashion choice I'd make for a pantsuit. Sherbet colors are so much cheerier. Not to mention, my little Pomeranian, Teensy, sheds like a blizzard, so I never wear dark colors. I was encouraged to see her in a little lipstick, though. Wonder if it was Apricot Ice, my favorite shade?

Anyhoo ... aside from the fact she never mentioned my name, which, by the way is now Rosalee Provenza, since Sal and I tied the knot, Ms. Author did all right for herself. If you missed it, you can watch the Today Show link here

And if you happen to see Ms. Author, tell her not to get too big for her britches. After all, there wouldn't be any stories for her to write without Mama! The TV folks even made my latest tale one of their ''Hot Summer Reads.''