I'm absolutely in a dither, y'all! I need some advice, right quick.
What should I wear for my turn on the red carpet when MAMA SEES STARS comes out in September? (You can get a sneak peek at the book right here. Somebody pasted it out there on the internet, right onto the Wide World of the Web. )
It's still hot as Hades in Himmarshee in September. So, whatever I wear can't show sweat .... er, ''dew.'' I know you've heard the saying: Horses sweat; men perspire; ladies dew.
Well, honey, the ''dew'' is running like a river in middle Florida in September. You're lucky if you make it from your air-conditioned house to your air-conditioned car without sopping wet stains as big as dinner plates under your armpits and your pantyhose all soggy and stuck in spots you didn't even know you had. I don't mean to get personal, but I'm just sayin.'
So, help me out, won't you? What's cool, comfortable, appropriate red-carpet garb for a Southern gal of a certain age? I won't mention the specific number, because you'd never believe it. Everybody tells me I look 10 years younger than I am. I know I look 10 times better than that fancy author, Deborah Sharp. She's sure to be there on the red carpet, too, taking all the credit as usual. But this one is purely my story. It's all about how I got a part when the film crew came to shoot in Himmarshee. It was so exciting!
Of course, there was that murder and all. Still, I've heard my scene in the movie they made has all the hallmarks of a Hollywood legend. That's why the pressure is on to pick the perfect outfit, y'all. Mama Sees Stars might just be my ticket to super-stardom.